The Free-Range Baby

I bought one of those Pack N Plays last summer. $7 at a yard sale. It was the closest we’ve come to reining in the baby. I think I used it twice. I envisioned how handy it would be, now that the baby was outgrowing her bouncy chair. For when I wanted to do things, like clean or take a shower or even lie around doing nothing for five minutes. I had every intention of using it. Unlike my husband, “We’ll never use it.” He said. As usual, he was right. You can’t take a sling-raised, kangaroo-cared, nurse on demand baby and stick her in a pen. She rebelled. She yelled. If she could have gotten her little hands on a screw driver I’m sure she would have dismantled it.

It can be hard living up to my ideals. I kept thinking that a REAL attachment parent would never even consider caging their child. But, you know, she sleeps with us, she nurses on demand, and God forbid I get five minutes in the bathroom with the door closed. Fortunately my husband is a man with infinite baby patience and strong arms. He’ll carry that child everywhere. Then, when she fights to get down, he’ll follow her and patiently redirect her when she tries to juggle the glassware. He’s a good man.

So between us, my husband, Mr. Man-with-a-plan and my “make-it-up-as-I-go-along self,” have been raising the free-range baby. We try and baby proof the house as best we can. Anything remotely poisonous is downstairs in the basement. Breakables are out of reach and electrical outlets are covered. Everything else is pretty much fair game. Since we’re trying to keep the toys down to a manageable amount, there’s a lot of “real stuff” to explore. Take plastic containers out of bottom cabinet. Check. Overturn cat bowl. Check. Climb into now empty cabinet. Double check. We spend a fair amount of time putting back things that she’s taken out. Emptying the book shelf is a current favorite.

So what’s the big deal? Well, Mr. Higgins has been spending a considerable amount of time on The Internets looking up child development. According to the experts, a child’s first word is likely to be “No”. Or even “NO!” So far, our little pooter says dada, kitty, dog, fishes, and mummum. She certainly lets us know when she doesn’t want or like something, but so far, no “no.” She does, however, convey “yes” in a unique way. When she likes something, she pats it-the way you’d pat a dog’s head. The cats, the water in the swimming pool, my chest when she’s hungry, all get the same happy pats. When she really likes something, say Curious George is on, she holds both hands over her head and squeals. It may be nonverbal, but its meaning is clear, “yes, Yes, YES!”

I have always had disdain for those baby carriers, the ones that turn into car seats and so your baby can go from home to car to wherever without ever being touched. Babies were meant to be held. Now I have another reason-I think it’s so much better to have baby involved in what you’re doing and seeing. Just like a play pen, it’s another way to keep baby out of the way and marginalize what they get to experience. No wonder so many kids say “no” first. The first couple of years their minds are like sponges, soaking up everything they come into contact with. Do you really want that to be a time of “don’t do that, don’t touch that, and don’t go there”? I don’t. I want her first years to be a time of YES!